-though many had said that if you were repeatedly spared from death, you'll have a valid reason to keep on living. me, it's so thrilling that momentarily my senses fail-
i have been damned.
three is almost always a crowd when there's more than one gender involved *grins*
femme asked "would i be marrying the person i'll be dating?" struck me in a moment of surprise. for marriage never came across my mind in any ways -yet-
of course unless if you count my dream wedding dresses and flower bouquets as part of the thoughts of marriage, i had never seriously consider that issue at this stage of my life. but when it did came to me in dreams, i always wake in cold sweats
-married to that one guy, waking to him everyday, cut off from all the other hunks there is, and then there's kids, then the in-laws......-
that even marriage in dreams are nightmare, what more here in Life? shites. i have commitment issues.
but let's rationalize...
what am i to cry about? the crush who never knew? the feelings you thought were true? the future you want to be?
i believe i am more selfish than that to cry over anything but myself. i dont feel sorry for endearing people in secret. neither do i feel sorry when they found themselves someone to love.
so, there's really no need to wet a shoulder *heh*
but for others, the first cut can hurt till the tears trail blood. we cant call them a fool in love for i know (despite the lack of on hand experience) that our devoted emotions can change even the steeliest mindset.
why and how? perhaps i'll answer that after i get a taste of one *laughs*
for now, i'll just sit and stare at the passing moment, waiting who's gonna stop for me (or not)
femme said im too independent of mind that i intimidate.
*grins*
huimei & huisze
mei & jols
my vini the poo
i see too many fade away
if you wonder how to make it right
give me everything, everything tonight
sometimes, many a times, i often wonder, how in the world did we came about living at the top of the ladder? with the myriads of bastards and fools at my front and back-gate, im amazed i have not conform to their stupidity.
and the ones who can play their act so well that even you and i wont believe he's a shameless two-timer. i give my applause. to think that they can live their day like any other day despite the damage they had done. it's as if all the shattered pieces of life they wrecked matter not. like those pieces were never a whole figurine they once adored.
and so they move on with life, leaving us to mend those bits and pieces that when even pieced together, wont be the same statue of faith no longer.
but will you move on now? will you take a step back and see what is worth living and what's not? the many other reasons for you to step out of the hole is all beside you, waiting for you to grab the handles, and open all the doors to get away from that hole.
after 2 months of weight, mood swings and sang froid, today was perhaps one of the most bittersweet moments ever.
was grinning my way through while lacing a birthday cake with wasabi. damn! also, strawberries with whip cream rawks!
news i've been anticipating a whole week came unofficially. then officially. a whole load of weight lifted. another close shave.
and above all, i'd sorted my woes. filed them, bagged them, but still fail to dispose them. instead, stashed it in some somber corner. what life. to think the one close to you is just another passing moments. for every men is for himself.
it takes on a whole new meaning when you get back to where you begin. relapse. maybe its just the fucking hormones, but im feeling like a fool.
suddenly everyone is with a woe. suddenly everyone needs sympathy. suddenly, everyone needs help.
everything comes in and little trickles out. for i am that. *laughs*
for so long this has been the way. for so long i had seen. but i did nothing. but this much i can fucking take.
i dont need to be anyone's doormat no longer.
i dont need to play bad and be nice under the shadows.
i dont need to keep living dreams with my eyes wide open.
i dont want to be bothered and bother being judged no more.
to hell with me caring....fuck you all! i'll just take a seat and watch this time around. thankyouverymuch.