Muse

this is a love-hate relationship we having back at home. she claws. then seeks attention.

*cats*

annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying

- we know some are just the way they are, but still........-

annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying annoying

-even more distasteful is when you know you fault, but you still continue living with the flaw-

idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot


-then you get annoyed and feel like an idiot when the world goes against you-


such fool! somebody stampede me before i waste my time on nothingness.


to rich, i'll see how you'll handle this one ;p

the sea was calm for a moment after the day is over. but everything came pouring in once again seconds later.

i kept seeing this kid rushing up the counter checking up the red luscious fruits. i kept having his grin in my head. i cant get him out of my head. i need to get him outta my head.

and voices are loud these days all around i cant hear my own. i havent an inkling where to go from here. and i usually do.

today's one of those days im laced with foulness, restlessness and a moment of blankness. after that many mondays through fridays, the counting down seems suddenly a matter of life and death.

i correlate such feelings to the situation below.

imagine you're standing on the curb. you look up and saw a face. she's holding up a flower pot, and let it go straight at you. the building was 40 stories high. you watch the pot coming right at you. you didnt move cause you know there's still minutes to spare. you watch it coming in with such sang froid, thinking you'll just step aside at the last moment. after all, how long will it take you to take a step to the left?

then gravity began its reign, pulling the pot closer closet to your face. that's when you realize you're pretty much in a fucked up position. the last few seconds induce that panic stricken face, surfaces the thought of "oh shit!" and then you go blank.

maybe im just not cut out to be who i am today. dreaming has always been a reality, and reality has all this while remain a dream. such dangerous idealism still lurking around even after 20 years.

my mom followed me to UMS (university malaysia sabah).

she was suppose to start a new term there alongside me.

on the way to UMS in a taxi, i look out the window an remember hills and fields not belonging to the malaysia's scenery.

and the taxi driver blurted out to my mom suddenly of my clandestine escapade to cameron without her knowledge!

luckilly she was too excited of her new term to have not digested that fact.

i shushed the driver throughout the ride.

the roads were lonesome with only us.

it felt like a ride to oblivion.

the sky's grey and the the strange fields seeming cold.


and we arrived in a building, almost mausoleum like; with a little touch of a research facility at a glance.

there are more people in this scene.

im tagging mom most reluctantly.

my eyes were taking snapshots of the every nook and cranny, literally.

and the room got darker, mustier.

it somehow resembles a morrocan tent.

with persian rugs and many quirks of souvenirs around.

i browsed through some pretty hairclips with this irritating woman constantly tagging and talking.

walked away.

and the crowd amasses.

larry king's here for a show..

the curtain opens to a stage

i was being pushed to the front.

but my attention was lost to a girl darting pass me.

im drawn by that green eyes into another room.

the chambers got darker and sinister.

the fogs and a blur of car and the tinkling sound of laughter.

that's as far as the memories will take me. if i had written this earlier in the day, i might had recalled it to the very end of my dream.

i had to write this down because it kept replaying in my head over and over. adrian said my subconscious is trying to talk to me.

i would rather think my idle mind was piecing yesterdays event into yet another brilliant plot of a fiction. met with jas last night and we talked shit for some time.

there's where the sabah, cameron and UMS might have came in.

the rest? perhaps it is the back of my mind trying to get to me. *grins*

3 months was definitely a bliss in disguise.
im still sitting here wondering...

what happened to all my roadtrips?
what happened to my diet plans?
what happened to my 'i-wanna-drive-around'?
what happened to the numerous yamcha sessions?

well. mom happened.

the feeling of you being jerked down away from those fantasies is a tad too cruel for me.
so i thought i would have to make my own fantasies in my own confined space of my bedroom. i began seeing jas feeding me expresso at 3am in the morning. then jol appeared in the scene with __ and they started fooling around. my house suddenly became everyone's playground.

*lucky rich wasnt in it or it would have evolved into a nightmare...pheww!*


and the phone rings.. (mom calling my hp from d/stairs)
and we are thankful for technology once again.

but the work of the restless mind do not stop there. the hot afternoons were great for a lie in the bed, watching the hanging ornaments twirl.

and the sudden rage and need to slice and break necks surfaced. and the joy in seeing their bodies go limp. and the symphony of their screams. the satiation of imposing death and the rush of adrenaline in the eyes.



damn. hibernation bring out the sadist in me.