Muse

I was young, very very young. Foolish? Maybe. Naive? Perhaps. But 2000 yes, I remember 2000, as I'm sure they would too.

It was heart wrenching to unravel back into my past. I'd already forgotten about stashing them in a box somewhere in the locker locked with the keys lost. Well, clearly you don't need a key for everything. Because you still want them to come back and haunt you one day, just to relinquish on the past bitter memories, to remind you that you were once there, vulnerable and foolish and in pain.

Even without a key, you would pry with a screwdriver to open up all that pieces of paper that was abused by your angst and bitterness. I know I did.

And I sat on the floor for 4 hours, trying to relive my past. All the amnesia and patches of blanks in memories are filled up once more. Today is a better day, yes. But from 2000 till now, that would be 11 years gnawing and teeth grinding and salt-stained papers. I don't remember the days I was as carefree and oblivious anymore. I forgot when things started to matter, when people started to matter and when I no longer fit in the equation.

I don't remember getting here. I don't think I really want to recall at all. Suddenly I don't want anything at all. Cause you reminded me of how low and undeserving and unbecoming I can be. And I knew it all along. I believed it all along. And I had already become. It takes more than your hand and words to turn me about. I'd come so far I gave up turning back a long time ago.

Despite vowing for a difference, I'm broken in every single way. I now realized why the bad dreams are back. They never left. I just got disillusioned in my bouts of spring. Winter is ahead but I didn't think it'll hit be before I even set foot.

Shouldn't had opened pandora's box right?