Muse

crazy...
that i actually stand in front of the crowd rapping breast cancer to the beat of teriyaki boys. it was a zesty week. with every inch bit of adrenaline and caffeine. and i discovered, when u drink green tea after munching a handful of m&m's, it actually taste like baileys! no shit! and im not delusional.. serious..

messy...
the way i look with my hair sticking in every direction there is as well as my lines. they were so jumbled i cant make sense of what i say even

sexy...
this the word i'l be using to describe andrew' uber sleek lancer, i think. *grins* goddamn it. his gear transmission was smooth and the speed was orgarsmic. i miss manual drive!!!!!!!!!!!

crazy.messy.sexy

and when the three elements combined, here goes:

2 days back, we were staying back to practice for our student case presentation. but by 6 hunger come-a-calling. so sher and i and vini went out to tapau from asia cafe. we left our bags in the suites. i only brought with me my phone, wallet n keys. dump the keys in the car n go about. by the time i reach monash back, the memory of the keys in the car was totally erased from my head.

so we went about, writing and rewriting script. till sher had to leave for sher lynn's birthday at 930. owh well.. byebyetatahughug.

11.45. *yawns* "vini, let's just go home and cont aight?" "aight"

walks to the carpark with aiman, andrew, wenkai,TY, daniel, lihen, joyce. fish for keys. wait.. WHERES MY KEYS?? * at the back of my head, that hand stuffing my keys into sher's glove compartment became more vivid."

fuck.

"Andrewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! stop!! -squeak- can you gimme a ride home? cause i think i left my keys in sher's car and she went back to klang d"

i shall never remember their "huh" faces. i mean, how often you come such a joke? as niyi put it, sher never tell me a joke when we first met cause I myself AM the joke. |= that night, i was seriously the buat lawak. andrew had to drive to puchong, get my spare keys n back to monash to pick up my car.
to andrew, i thank my lucky stars for you! (= if it wasnt for you or wenkai and the rest, i probably slumber in monash for the night. thankyouthankyouthankyou...

and after experiencing a taste of speed in andrew's manual ride, i got really itchy and decided to speed on my persona (upon retrieving my persona with the spare keys). i tried, i REALLY tried. but my fat ass persona just dont pick up as fast as any manual car. and there's no shift-stick for me to caress. *potong steam* tried to accelerate by downing my petrol pedal.

langsung tak syokk!! cause it took a while to speed up. *ceh* miss my dad's battered wira. the one i love abusing. (=

and i wanna go home so.

with only four hours of sleep the day before, i manage to stay awake in jas's place on friday. with anne and chuah in the room, its explainable why i cant sleep *grins* my god.. the things they do in the dark, even with jas and i beside them *shocking* nonetheless, the 3 jokers went to bed by 1230ish.. i didnt manage to.

temperature unfavourable. plus, i have no idea why, but after being that tired, i cant find a slight bit of sleepiness within. so i stayed awake till 4. then woke them up. we were suppose to leave at 4 to catch the sunrise. but we left at 515-ish.

owh well.. when is that ever surprising? *laughs*

and i discovered the lovely feeling of driving in the wee hours of the morning. when the sky is still dark and there isnt much car on the road and when everyone voices get shushed in their dreamland. jas stayed awake to direct me till she herself too succumb to sleep. when she slept, i generally assume its a straight road ahead to pd.

it was 630 and the sun still havent rise, despite us being so near to pd. and i thought to myself, we might just have the slightest chance of catching the sunrise.

and in the silence of the journey, i felt as if im driving into the horizon in the straight road in front of me. the feeling was beyond comprehension. despite 2 days of wakefullness, nothing else matters in those moments with them sleeping like pigs around me.

like echoes of silent laughters. like the picture of idealism. like an escapade from the rush of days.

those are the memories from the morning drive to pd. i like. (=

and when we were finally in pd town, and when jas is finally awake, we realized that to catch a sunrise in pd is quite a joke. pd is after all, situated in the west coast. the sun could never rise above the horizon even if we were to sit our bums on the beach for hours! *rotfl*
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7.00am
reached pd town. and where we gonna have breakfast with all the shops still close??? seriously? and in taiping, some shops would had sold out their wan tan mee by now (according to jas). ish.



8.00am
reached one of those beaches in teluk kemang. strolled down the stretch of sands and stones and shells. there isnt a ball of a sun in the sky. there's only light -silent foolish smile- but it was an amazing view of empty sky and vast waters when i crouched on the shore with jas,chuah and anne deciding wht to do next

i guess we have to start somewhere. so, sea kayaking it is! awesome.. it was crazy. we had an hour in the sea with our paddle and in 15 mins, anne said "my arms are sore d. how long more to go??" ahahhaha! i would admit, kayaking aint that all a piece of cake. we laze around in our kayaks in the open sea, rocking to the rhythm of the waves.

jas: we should do this more often
chuah: yeah, have picnic here in the sea
mei: mhmm. with cocktails and shades. anne: and boyfriends. we get them to row the boat while we sit in and chit chat!

banana boating (BBg) next of the list. and i never heard of ppl requesting to 'bagi jatuh' till anne open her mouth to the BB fella.

anne: abang, bagi jatuh yah?
BB fella: kakak mau jatuh berapa kali?
anne: 3 kali la.

rite.. oh well. anything la. and off we go with anne n jas squealing like pigs behind me and chuah. *LOLS* and when BB fella gave a signal for us to jatuh, anne went like, "oh.. he gonna make us fall d!" and at the first turn, sudd chuah let go n flew into the water! *laughs hysterically*

we shouted from the boat "chuah! u werent suppose to fall YET!"

it was a ride filled with laughter. cause everytime he gave the signal, we all tried to resist from falling.at a point, i felt like i whiplashed my neck. my gawd, the force of inertia was tremendous.

then we went jet skiing. was like bike on water. (=

11.00am
sun is up but so are the rain clouds. by the time we reached my car, raindrops were already pelting on our foreheads.

after bath, after dropping by my parents' place for a visit.. its time for food in seremban! the ngau lam meen was salivating good! and the best for me was the char siew pau.


after another few account of events im too lazy to write about, we were on our way home. by then, my brain and body told me "enough". i decided not to join the rest for the evening activities after all. only this much i can take |=

even in the drive home, my mind was already dozing out. by time i reached home, after a bath i was on the bed and catching up on lost sleep. that was 6 pm on saturday

didn't woke till 230pm the day after (sunday). my cousin's husband thought fainted in my room. called out to me at 1230 to check if im alive. *heh* and i sleepily, with my hair like medusa, opened the door and croacked "yeah?" he laughed. babi.

and by then, my neck was so stiff that i cant turn it. "fuck! did i really whiplash myself yest??" owh well, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

all in all, i love a day like yesterday. even if i got whiplashed and sleep deprived. its the company that kept me going.

loves to jas,chuah, anne, goay and the gu bak mee unc+aunty, coconut woman and my lovely charsiewpau!

my resolutions wasnt made before the new year, nor is it executed after new year. instead, it took a few hard hits and slaps to get me started on a few.

and im lucky to have people to help me with my resolution (for they know im all word but no actions) *grins*

for that, im thankful for my jamroll, fellow social drunkard and my very own rantbox. also, special thanks to that special few in monash for getting me to class everyday (or at least try to *hics*)

but to take up the post of my personal waker, its quite the challenging job which requires special understanding of my err...behaviour. lemme exemplify this for you below.

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#scene 1

rainy days are worst case scenarios. When the rhythm of the pouring rain roll humdrums in my ears, when the casted skies are darkishly sleepy. damn.

"can i ask a favour? can you wake me at 4 later and make me feel really guilty should i try to worm my way out of waking up?"

out of the three person i messaged, only one took up the challenge -with glee of course-
'make me feel really guilty' caught his attention and is also his forte. the other 2 is sick and the other got my message at 6pm only. -the ish-

4pm came and there come my wake-up call.

"eh wake up wake up! time to study. your mom paying rm600 a day for you to study! you should feel guilty if you dont wake up!"
"okay okay.. getting up. bye"
look outside the window. right. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(5 mins later....)

"yo, dont sleep again."
"eh.. so smart one?"

*smiles lazilly* ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(few minutes later)

"so, are you off your bed now u pig?"
"fuck. how do you know? k k. getting up now"

wuarrrghhhhhhhhhhh! ZZZZZZZZZ

(and another few more minutes)

"what's ur status?"
i slept thru that message. din even bother reading or replying it. he gave up. i told him to, since i know i wont be waking up. despite being a social drunkard, he's brain cells seems to be functioning still. played reverse psych on me. i must applaud him indeed. cause i did woke up in the end. (=

#scene 2

11.00pm:
makes tea. open anat book in front of lappie. *buzzes jol* but jol kick me away. call me to study.

12.00 am
getting sleepier. finish second cup of tea and sipping coffee now. *eyes still drooping* messages fellow SD and RB. got told off to study by SD. this is act a very good conspiracy to stop me frm diverting my att frm studying to messaging. *grins* owh well.. RB kept me awake for quite a while.. but stupid body is caffeine intolerant.

3.40 am
crawling to the bed. *snores*

5.55 am
"u stil studyin?"
ignores

6.13 am
"wake up....study..."
aish.. woke, and read messages *smile*

am smiling cause they actually check on me to make sure i study.

they are the ones who stand by me even in the pouring rain. but of course, they are smart enough to bring the umbrellas. *grins*

omigosh! im getting all mushed up!! *screams*







"hai shortie. you my cutie!"
this sentence was contributed by Niyi Thesmart.
[random intervention by some retarded junior =p]

strawberry black tea, passionfruit-peach black tea, lemon tea. all in a day's work. and it still cant keep my lids from drooping, prevent yawns from being audible nor kept me alert.

i kept shutting windows without saving them. and when i suddenly accidentally opened 2 of the same document, i got:

*huh?* blink blink blink

i cant cancel or x that goddamn message. then the body tenses, teeth clenches, fingernails digging into palm. i cant seem to comprehend that sentence despite reading it over and over for 6 times or so. words make no sense!

*moves finger AWAY from keyboard, grabs fon and text a trusted advisor*

me: im sorry to disturb. but i did smtg stupid. wht does reverting to saved doc means?
(after few minutes)
adrian: i also not sure

*engages into silent-mind-numbing scream*

had to choose between yes or no, or i wont be able to finish my work. |= luckilly, though the Day had pranked me countlessly today, it spared me this time around. i clicked the blinking 'no'.

and i lived to type this. or im pretty sure i would had smashed something.

i would guess its pretty normal for most urbanites to just assume if there's this girl in her teen bathing your dog and washing your car in a row with messy hair, she definitely HAVE to be a household maid.

reason: carwash services are almost everywhere, and urbanites are just too classy to be seen dripping wet and hairs messed all over with a sponge in hand. hence, never came across their mind that just perhaps.. the car and dog owner decided to bathe both their babies. *tsk* furthermore, how often do you see a maid in halter and hollister shorts? *unless its those cradle-snatcher-husband-seducing kind* more than often you would think of car owner than maid right? RIGHT??

aish. spoiled urban brats.

and stop associating carwash girls with any sexual fantasies. in general terms that is.... *grins*






P.S: that damn dog chewed my car plate. wtf?? now the corners are all twistedly ugly. *grrr*

there are so many familiar faces around me on the boat. each of us scattered on different docks. im on my own along with sher and david L. were frantically for joel G and daniel K, who were being chased by the gay maniac captain demanding sex from them. |=

and there they are when we open the laundry chute. now we are deciding how to fit 8 people into a waja on our escapade. vijay's the driver, and the person beside him was faceless. i was behind , khe cia squeezed somewhere beside me. i remember david L's teeth chattering.
naichien, who was wearing a neck brace couldn't squeeze in with us.
so he,thum, daniel G and sher end up in 3 other separate cars. thum and naichien were driven by our so called charperones. daniel K and sher was driving a car each for reasons to complicated to explain (R.T.C.T.E)

then the gay captain's men were on pursuit behind my car. (that's when david L's whole body was shivering and cold sweating)

so we decided to park our car somewhere, away from detection till the matter chills. driving into a car workshop, we ended having to negotiate with the owner on renting the parking space from him. he named rm 300 at first, i tried pulling it down to rm200. then he got pissed and &#^$@ in hokkien. then spit out an even more outrageous price, rm500! take or leave.

that's when i got a call. daniel K said i had asked for suann's number earlier. he said sorry for not giving it to me ASAP. then he laugh bout some funny story pertaining to that incident.
in the background, i was walking somewhere with railings and with steps reaching the dark labryinth below. still on the phone, i slowly climb my way down and realize, at the bottom of the steps, this could be a perfect space to hide our car!

*at the bottom, was a man-made fountain and an altar on its right top-hand corner. the only lighting came from above, where i was standing earlier.

khecia saw me waving and called the rest. i climbed my way up while still on the phone. almost reaching the top, i recognize that nagging feeling behind my back suddenly. it was like deja vu. i recognized that shrine as the one belonging to a psychopathic serial killer (PSK). khecia was already on her way down there when i turned to warn her.

bit too late. i saw his pale face staring back at me in stoic. his sharp nose and angulated jawline. his eyes, they were black and looking at me. i do remember his face (but cant remember my field educator's face whom i just met this morning) that figure move as we both caught sight of his gleaming cleaver in his left arm. without prompt, khecia ran straight back up. and i start talking staccato on the phone telling daniel K to get help. the PSK was up on our level. already, david L, david T and a few other vague faces were there to help. but sayumi *no idea where she appeared from* was already slashed. her bloody body slumped against the wall.

on the other end of the phone, i was momentarily stilled by the sound of screeching and screaming and i heard sher's name. then i was screaming. both at daniel K. and the cleaver heading my way. the phonecall ended abruptly but i manage to get a hand on the cleaver and somehow threw it back at the PSK. after sequences of event, i found myself desperately trying to call back daniel and sher while chopping that PSK's wrist (sawing actually) when he was restrained by others.

both his hands were dismembered painstakingly slow by me, partly because of the lack of equipment, strength and i was multitasking *spare the midget yo*

the odd thing, PSK seems to be mocking me, he wasnt screaming in agony, more like sadistically smiling and laughing at me; challenging me to it. so i slice some of his flesh from his arm. then his face twisted in anguish and pain.

so we left that scene. we rush to the site of the accident. su ann called me and said daniel, sher, naichien and thum were all involved in an accident. they're dead. she gave me a blur account of events. a truck hit the car naichien and thum was in, causing their car to flip into the river.

in sher and daniel's case, both their car hit each another and they both ended up in the river as well. basically they were hitting on each another la *pun so intended =p*

so yeah, i was hysterical to the point of numbness. joel broke down. the rest was shocked. like, what the fuck??

we were ushered to the paramedics to get medical treatment for out wounds. apparently i have a deep laceration on my right arm of which i couldn't feel a thing *it is a dream after all* none of us bothered to go look at the bodies. after wrestling with a gay captain and a PSK, were were mentally and emotionally incapable of handling deaths.

but to end my dream at this point would have been so not my style. the crowds got more frenzied once again. apparently they found the wreckage of the cars and a number of 'bodies'. i spontaneously elbowed my way through the throng of bystanders. *not an easy job* when i manage to pass the police and the tape, i saw them pulling naichien out. and the paremedics declared him alive but with signs of renal failure. *zomg! we learnt bout renal failure this week*

then they pulled thum out, he's safe from heaven and hell too. breathing, so to say. then........

-phone vibrated with message-

seriously, like.. SERIOUSLY???? owh well, sorry sher, and daniel K. i dont know if you guys walked towards the light at the end of the tunnel or not. (=

that's all from the works of my sick and sadistically twisted mind. i wrote it as soon as i jumped out of bed. this is as fresh as it can get so i wont miss bits and pieces of it.

P.S: the above was not a draft of fiction i write in lectures, its a dream i had while afternoon napping. heh

today, i did perhaps the oddest favor so far for a stranger. i honked for him. |=

well, klang fellas are well known for their double parking skills. so this guy's car was blocked by another car. and conveniently, his horn was spoilt and he couldn't possible go screaming at the masses of people eating in the mamak. *duh*

so he approached my car *was waiting for poo and sammy*

stranger : hello. can you help me honk? cause my horn is spoilt and my car cant get out..
me : err.. okay.

damn weird at first. feeling idiotic as well. im honking for another person. wtf? im like honking short blast at first (shy honks) then it got more fun. ahahhahah! so i hit it like full blast to the point i almost LOL in the car. *luckilly there's no one around to stop and stare*

too bad the pea-brained car owner cant hear it. so my stranger had to drum his fingers with frustrations till the car is moved . my friends came back into the car.

so i haven't an ending to his story. hope he didn't had to wait that long. *grins*

sometimes, trying too hard is just trying too hard.

when voices go unheard and we end up trailing the footsteps of others..

i wonder if there is a need to live up to others status quo.

a need to walk glorified with your name plastered on their lips.

to have that need and to lift that weight that more than often pulls down that smile.

in shadows, sometimes we have to learn to thrive.

i shout my claim of stronghold upon my life, only to relent others to circle in my head of fickleness. im relapsing into my past. im falling deeper this time around. with even more spite to be left with. you can hear my masked pretence. or maybe you will not. as i seat up on nights to paranoid over whispers behind, rolling about in that periodical guilt and impracticality of a rant.

and the world spin its colors into the monochrome of blackness. and the heaviness pressing all its weight on my face. like its telling me, im undeserving of my voice. and claims to have read me. how true can it be?

you want the sun but you loathe the heat. so what do you want?
you know the sea is deep, but you still leave the shore. why did you?
you know the rust is eating all the steel there is, and you let it be. how could you?
you want me, but you dont want me. what is this?

in a long while, home hasn't cross my mind. and when the time is too long, we all go back to where we begin, despite all the initial loathsome feelings. its alright to pace down the world sometimes.

when the tide had caught up to you and sprayed you wet.. its time to dry up. *grins* to say the least, we deserve all the time in the world to sit back and flip our hair in the salty breeze, after a long day done at calming the storm.