Somewhere along the line, we laughed loud once, cried hard once, put on the unfazed mask once. And we swore that once was good enough.
Somewhere down the line, we finally realized despite the beautiful, the awe, the calm, we are also surrounded by shrouds of things we cannot fathom, words we never meant and countless takes on life we regretted.
Once was never enough apparently.
Trying so hard to hold you in a blink of an eye and yet when the morning intrudes, you excused yourself nonchalantly. I am left to savour what bits and pieces of that dream salvaged. At 23 and still clinging onto the abstractness of a thought. And for sometime now that line between your world and mind has long blurred. And when that line is rubbed away finally, I don't think I'll exist anymore.
The chocolate covered beans waft away and I stood where the sun meets the horizon. And I remember your words, I remember your shaded figure by the water.
Find the water jasmine in the River Morales, you said...
My adventure in wonderland begins with a trip down wakeful nights counting the glow-in-the-dark stars above my laptop station, numerous check on time on my handphone, texting exclamation of frust to my self-proclaimed shrink, scavenging food in the kitchen at ungodly hours in the morning, watching fringe till I run out of episodes and playing various plots in my head and blogging of course.
No. I don't think I'm crazy yet. And no, I wasn't waiting for Brazil to enter the stadium nor was I busy studying. I'm just wondering if there is something I should be wondering about.
And I'm not on coffee. Although I know many who are an addict. Coffee is my sedative really. But I do not wish to try out that theory in my state as it is
*Are we there yet?*
Everybody's asleep. Wake them wake them! It's not right! It doesn't feel right. Something or somebody watches on maliciously. I know they are. With relief, they woke and move. We should get out of here. Searches frantically for the exit. Where is that goddamn exit?! Damnit. Kitchen. We are at the kitchen. Knives. Why am I seeing knives everywhere? The counter top, the island, the drawers. All gleaming and menacing. The metallic taste in the air and the drying mouth. Just grab two of them. How to hide it? Paper, I would need paper to wrap it in.One for Dad and one for me. What about the rest? *Screams for somewhere in the room!*