Muse

If I kill myself in the dream, I would finally wake up. This was quoted off someone in one of our random conversations.

I gave up ranting on my insomnia. It is never gonna be remedied unless I find what is fueling this wakefulness. Coffee? Nope. Alcohol? Sometimes. Drugs? Well fuck.. benzos are supposed to help me sleep not keep me awake.

My recent weekend had been a long bittersweet one. All that preparations and intoxication and lack of rest is definitely not the best of combination. But it gets you high at a different kind of level. It brings you up to that state of guilt and realization that as time ticks further, the fun and effervescence of the hot-blooded youth no longer sound wise. It is stupid. Drinking per se is not stupid. But when it amounts to the self-torture, it is ridiculous. I suppose I now know why some stop as they grew older. It is time I kick myself into the next level of mindfulness.

And what of those averted gaze and side glances and held back tongue? We do love the things we can't reach. And we are quick to lay eyes on another once we had held the unreachable. The mind is sometimes quick to read but hard to process and reason. Why else do we had to fault that many times before we succeed in learning our lessons?

Funny, how funny we can be. (=