Muse

Common.

A six-letter word I had always feared.

Fear.

A four-letter word I had always denied.

Denial.

Another six-letter word that worked my pretentiousness.

Pretence.

This seven-letter word is my escapism.


Twenty three words to help you delve deeper into an understanding of me. Or not.
I am in fear of the future and in denial of my commonness thence pretending to be somebody elses in my little room.
I had always loved the game of "Let's pretend". I used to dress up in my aunt's or mom's clothes and jewellery when I thought everybody else was asleep. Well, at least I thought they were. I love pretending to be adults then.

I wonder why, since after 20 years into the future, I now want to pretend I'm a kid who don't quite know the woes of an adult.
I wish.

Wish.

A powerful yet dangerous four-letter word. For they can give you hope, yet take away your dreams and everything you have, if you are not careful.
Everybody have wishes, wants and fantasies.
I am everybody.
The goals and standards I set for myself stands proud like the Eiffel tower. Tall, majestic and as proud as the French. No offense. (=
but, I have yet to achieve them all, or place a tick at each and everyone of them.

I don't even have a 10 year plan like what a friend of mine did. Almost thought my future is headed for the ruins.
But we sat over coffee sometime ago and revised that memory.
Plans are organized thoughts. They are not set in stone. Our thoughts and life cannot be weaved together and paved like a stone walkway.
Then I realized, the whole time I lie awake in bed, worrying about how my life would turn out, how many dogs I'll have, what my house would look like, I was being a redundant insomniac.

Redundant.

Because this nine-letter word smacks me in the face every time I torture myself with unnecessary guilt, rage and self-pity. No amount of lamentations is going to work my thoughts into projects or cold hard cash. I rather the cat slap me on my cheeks with its still pink paws so that I wake every morning to accomplish what I drew up on my mind the night before.

Meowr.

Time to fill up the forms. Get the paperworks done. My heart had already been tenderized for the start of my career next year by the stories and rants of a future colleague. Funny, how I would let myself end up in a place I never thought I'll end up at all.

Au revoir to the student's life. Here begins the transition of all my twenty three-letters into my favourite seven : strength.