Muse

The rain was pouring like any other day. I was stoning like every other day, thinking of all the bits and pieces in slow mo. The sun was setting like the other days.

But it wasn't like any other day where I would whip out a book or lay in bed dreaming of faces. No. It was a special day. It was special yet as good as it is surreal. It seems that the more your mind replays the memory, the more fake it becomes.

By norm, it should be the other way round. The mind registers events when it is being constantly reminded of it. And that is how grief and bereavement works. To get over things isn't about forgetting or pushing aside that very thought. It is about accepting it and addressing the loss. So, no folks.

You cannot not think of your loss. You cannot move on with distracting yourself. You can cope. But you won't be moving on. Not until you touch that face on the photograph, be reminded of their presence and perhaps, for a moment felt them beside you. Then you break down.

When you finally stop crying and realize they are finally definitely gone, you know now you can move on.

I don't even know why am I preaching on grief. I have yet to grief for anything definite. Regrets I have a-plenty. But grief, no.

And suddenly, I hit ground with your fingers wrapped around my ankle.

The moonlit beaches in Tioman is more than breathtaking. It's heart-breaking. No artist can frame that pale horizon, the star spangled velvet of a sky, the ripples of waves and the long stretch sand. It is more than a symbolic representation. It is a personal attachment of emotion.

I love being staged on such a grand piece of landscape with the Earth's symphony serenading the moment. Lying in the dampness of the sand, laughing out in generous company with a cuppa in hand. What else could I wish for?

More.

There were so many other things I wished for when I lie down looking at the million unblinking stars. Slowly drowning in the voices of reality, I want to sink into water and fairy tales. I want to be a chapter in your story book. I want so many many more.

I am greedy yes. But I gave up caring a long time back. I just want more what I have now. Sue me somebody.

*owh rich. this for you!*
(=